As you may know from some of my previous posts I am a strong believer in speaking openly about mental health and breaking the stigma surrounding it. I love reading and writing posts about recovery and how it does get better but I also think its important to talk about relapse and the bad days.
I suffer from Anxiety and Depression and I have for a few years now. In the past 12 months my mental health has improved dramatically but that does not mean the bad days no longer exist. Over the last few weeks I have seen a decline in my mood and mental health. I have began having anxiety attacks more frequently which hasn’t been happening for a while and Ive just noticed that in general my mood is a lot lower that it has been. I think in order to try and help this it is important to speak about it, express your feelings and not keep everything bottled up. From previous experiences I know keeping everything bottled up is one of the worst things you can do so this is why I’m writing this post.
Today I had a particularly bad day, one of the worst in a while, I spent 90% of the day alone, crying and having anxiety attacks. I’ve been feeling very lonely recently and I’ve been home in Ireland for the last week and a half and as much as I’m loving seeing everyone here I’m just feeling very down. Since moving when I now come back I feel very isolated and I have spent most of the trip so far cooped up in my house or my mums office day after day. Before this trip my mood was low for a few weeks and I presumed I was just homesick and needed a break but now that I’m back and still feeling this way I know its deeper than that. I have been letting a lot of stuff get on top of me recently and not putting my own mental health first anymore and I think this is what has resulted in a massive plummet in my mood and well being. I need to start remembering that my mental health should come before other things because in the end this is what is most important.
“Why are you writing this” people may ask… well I’m writing this to show people that some days you will sit and cry all day, some days you will just want to stay in bed and some days you could be surrounded by so many people who love you and still feel like the loneliest person in the world, but thats all normal. Everyone has bad days. Relapse is part of Recovery and you most certainly are still recovering no matter what you may think. No ones story is constantly moving uphill, some days you may dip but then you pick yourself back up and continue climbing and thats whats important. If you are having a bad day know that you definitely are not alone.